I am waiting
The condo is still in that shape, 3 blocks tall, little old and the odd orange colour is covering last shining of sun. And my worry is covered by my smile. She loves it, my smile. When we were together, she touched it, she used her hand to caress my face and she smile amorously “I so in love with your smile..how can I live without it” However, we are apart for almost 1 year. Within that 12 months, I was living without smiling, I have smiled for thing pass by my life but it was a lost smile, a smile without her hand to lead. I was lost.
We are walking side by side
I have asked for a hundred times to bring her live with me in my apartment. But she, by her charming look just tease me “ I don’t want to be kick out of any house, instead I want to kick people out of my house”. I surrendered. She has never tried to seduce me but that kind of look and the sexy ending of her smile absolutely win over me and my ego.
I saw her and another.
He is tall but thin and fair. That Chinese style. I guess that his voice is soft and weak. When I was a kid, we had a small restaurant in front of my house’s alley. The chef-owner and manager is an Old Chinese man. From that time till now, a restaurant under Chinese guy is as a good quality product without inspection of any organization. People just love Chinese food as long as it runs by a Chinese guy. However, that old man has a servant to assist his business. I was impressed with the owner flexible voice tone. He talked to me softly and sophisticated as a five star chef consult his elegant customer and 1 second after that he raised his voice up the top note, sharp as sword and cold as an ice to give command for his servant followed my order. I never forget that.
My thought is stopped as a running water cut down…
She looked at him
I know him. She told me a lot of about him, his boat, his sea, his wind, his father and yes, his smile. I was jealous as kid looking to a candy from glass of window shop knowing the impossibility of touching it. How could I touch a story? How could I erase a love story from my girl? Only her embraced was tight and squeezed all my feeling
She slowdown her step to finish the road ahead. I swear to god there is short space of time she intended to run forward. Even that was just maybe..my own imagination but I am clenching her fist
His name is Cliff.
Not as I thought, she introduced me with an eye keep haunting my eyes. She asked me to go up
His name is Keith
He is thinking—I guess , and confusing should he go up. He is in dilemma and thanks to my god, I just want to punch his face with the spiky hair style. My blood is not running as it has to. It is too fast and I can feel all the heat under my skin. She moves a little toward him to pull edge of shirt.
I wish that it was my hand she is holding. I just want to hug her. She is shorter than me, she never can reach my lips when we kiss, she always has to crane her neck a little or stand on her tiptoe “why are you so tall like this” It was the sentence she uses to cover her feeling after our passion kiss. My god, that kiss
He went up stair. I seat on his seat. I become him about 20 minutes ago. I sat here, waited impatiently for my girl. It took me 1 year to ease her sadness since the day he left. It took me a lot of desperate time while helping her to abate her pain. And now, I seat on his seat, while he was up stair with my girl
This is her room. It is not changed much from the last time I was except her sofa. She changed it. The ocean sofa is at the corner and the sun darts its beams into the place we used to seat and talk. Does she talk with him at the same place like me? Or they seat on her bed with the sweet –smelling that loosen up my tense? Or they just didn’t talk while they were in her room?
She gave me the bag. She looked at me and she cried. I don’t know whether she cried or not. I just saw the tear in her eyes. She didn’t shed her tears. It was just there, reflecting her sadness. She seldom cry..
I walked out the door. I just want to find a chair to seat down and breath. My heat is beaten by unknown feeling. I knew that I lost her long time before today. For 1 year I trained myself to be a strong man, as firm as the ship goes ahead of the crest of the wave. A thousand waves are not compatible with her eyes. I lost her and myself
He is so lucky
He went out. I opened the door. She was seating on the sofa. She gave me a sign to come. I seat down besides her. She was so quite. But I heard a lot. The confusion in her eyes, her heart beat and the tear she is holding. I have been fighting with this awkward situation not to avoid it but to against it, not to prevent it but to stand still in it. He will come back. I know and she is here with me, thanks god but I am hurt when I saw all the sadness she is suffering
He is so lucky